Happy Halloween

It’s strange to spend a Halloween not running a haunted house. I miss the excitement and the smell of a fogger in the crisp fall air. It’s no big deal of course, we’d already decided not to host the haunt again till next year but I do miss it. We did get the Halloween snow-globe Lesley and Joe gave us set up on the lawn along with some other odds and ends. It’s fairly lame compared to our normal show, but I’m just thankful we have something out. It makes me feel a bit more normal somehow to do something that has nothing to do with medical and everything to do with celebration. What a strange thing that I could say the words normal and Halloween in the same paragraph.

We’re settled in front of the television watching Most Haunted and waiting for trick-or-treaters to come. This has been a bit of a rough day. Tom had been having small blackouts and dizziness throughout the day. I called his doctor at Valley Medical but he wasn’t terribly helpful. He offered we could come back into emergency but when I asked what they could do for him they said monitor. Well, I know what that means. They’ll put him on an IV and we’ll be there all night with no more answers than we started with. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but it’s so hard not having any answers. I know Tom is frightened by the whole experience and there’s really no way for me to reassure him as I’m just as afraid. Afraid and terribly exhausted.

I was able to line up a medical alert system which will arrive Friday. That will be a huge relief. They said we can program it with up to five phone numbers so if Tom presses the button an operator will immediately be available to talk to him and at the same time another operator will start contacting everyone on his call list.

I drove Tom in to have his picture taken with the students for the year book this morning. He was so depressed this morning I was nearly out of my mind trying to think of something to cheer him up. Finally, I remembered I have the most flamboyant fairy costume complete with giant wings in the closet. So, I zipped myself in and flounced about the room making an utter fool of myself but it bought a smile to his face which made it all worthwhile. So, we got him dressed in his suit and I stayed fairyish and we headed in. The picture happily was a quick affair and I was able to get him home. Amazingly, I was not only able to drive with the wings but they were actually remarkably comfortable. Who would have thought?

Kris came tonight to work on my back. I’ve been having spasms because I just haven’t been able to relax. I told Tom today was the last out of house trip I’m making. I need to stay home from here on out, finishing lining up transportation and other odds and end and just focus on getting my back in order.

I’ve asked for one more extension for my internship. I’ve asked to start Friday and hopefully that will be okay. I’m just having a hard time keeping myself focused and getting through my to-do list. Tomorrow I’m going to focus on his disability paperwork and try to line up Metro. This whole situation is just overwhelming. I wish someone had written a book about how to cope with unknown medical situations. Still, I’m trying to get through things one step at a time and without having to make any trips to the school tomorrow I should get a fair amount done and get some rest. Mostly I just keep telling myself that in ten years I won’t have these fears, I won’t be wondering what will happen tomorrow because it will have already happened, and Tom and I will be fine.